U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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