I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
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I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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