his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
