is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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