Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
