I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
