there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
