I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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