I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
do herpes really smell.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
