DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
