You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
