i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
