If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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