check it out our google latitudes are spooning
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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