Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
