I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
