it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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