Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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