I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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