yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
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Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
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And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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