Ambien. No doubt about it.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
