You work out of a Hotel?
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whose parrot is this?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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