Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize