You work out of a Hotel?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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