haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Randomize
