Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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