Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
