Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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