I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
