My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
