It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
