she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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