party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
