i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
