he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
