all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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