margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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