I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
