Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
