I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
