So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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