How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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