my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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