i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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