rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
