You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Randomize
