i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
