she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
