I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
