I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
