Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize
