that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
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Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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