So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
