We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
