I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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