who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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