Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
