I hate your face
Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
