did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
