How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
