the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
