I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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