I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
