Duck Duck Cougar?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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