I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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