I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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