shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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