...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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