yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
